69 - Cabbage and Carrot Slivers

Be honest. Do you REALLY want to hear about a long tube being stuck down, up, or in various orifices? Me neither! I hear the word ORIFICE and I think:  Bleh! TMI!!

The Big C & NJB, however, is a Serious Medical Blob! I mean Blog. This is why I am writing about Endoscopy #2 even though none of us are really that interested. And I can’t say I blame us! With @75 MILLION endoscopies performed each year in the US, not only is the topic probably WAY overdone but – honestly! – people should just tell their own up-the-orifice stories.

Yet…here we are. Waiting for the results of Scope #2.

You may remember Post 63 which covered Endoscopy #1. Despite this being a Serious Medical Blog (you probably picked up on that due to my helpful use of caps) I try to write with a certain “lightness.” A hint of sugar, a bit of humorous froth…they are as much for me as for the reader. But it is not always possible.

Post 63 was not light, frothy, or sweet. It was, well, whatever the opposites of those words are. We all know that with The Big C there is not always happy.

But in this case, happy! Although the pictures taken during that first scope were alarming, the biopsies did not indicate cancer in the esophagus. I do not know what Scope #2 will show but I am feeling hopeful. So today I am going to be EXTRA frothy* *yes, I do blame the meds and focus on “sunshine-y positives.” And I am including - at no extra charge - a Sunshine-y Positives Scale!

OLD DOGS/NEW TRICK – 7/10: The first sunshine-y positive is that this time Dear Hubby Al and I drive to the CORRECT medical facility. I am giving this a high rating because it is always a good idea when being poked up/down/in the wahoozie to be at the proper place and not, say, some random tattoo parlor.

However, I am deducting points because I maintain the prior mix-up was Not. Our. Fault. Even the helpful receptionist at Wrong Clinic admitted – as she walked us outside to point out Right Clinic – that this happens all the time. All the time!

Well, duh!  These freestanding surgery centers need to ditch “gastroenterology” and other googly-gook words from their title and pick short, distinguishable names that are easy to remember. I suggested Gut Hut.

MY FRIEND PEG – 9/10: Some might claim it is lame to blame googly-gook names for the fact DH Al and I now have matching tattoos. Some might note 75 million other people apparently were not confused. Some…but not my friend Peg! She simply writes that “Welly Belly” might also work. How creative! How apropos! How nice she agrees with my thinking! A very high sunshine-y positives rating.

WAHOOZIE: After typing WAHOOZIE, I worry: Is it a REAL word? And does it refer to a specific body part or can I use it as a general term? Well, it is real-ish but in common usage, is more, uh, specific-ish than I intended.  2 Storm Clouds

STORM CLOUDS: Yes, I did just unexpectedly throw in a second rating system. Not to be finger wagging my finger at you, but my blog, my scales.

NOTE on ABOVE: It was my INDEX finger!! Sheez.

SPEAKING of SCALES – 5/10: Following Scope #1 the GI tells me, “You need to put on weight!” Yes, doc!! Totally on it!! Immediately upping my supply of Pepperidge Farm Dark Chocolate Milano Cookies!! Deep down, though, I know my weight is ok; I just do not need to lose more. So only a middling rating.

NOTE on ABOVE: Hush now. In fact, I also up my intake of protein-rich yogurt. But only the blended kind. None of that fruit-on-the-bottom stuff. Yup, I could stir it myself. But that is like using the self-checkout line - why would I want to?

PEPPERIDGE FARM DARK CHOCOLATE MILANO COOKIES – 10/10

QUESTION - 3/10: Some of you may be thinking: Er, NJB, just curious why you gave a higher rating to a cookie than your friend Peg? It is a delicious cookie BUT largely inanimate, not much of a conversationalist, and has never exercised its Constitutional right to vote (although there are some questions regarding this in Arizona, Georgia and perhaps Michigan.)

NOTE on ABOVE: Although I consider this a Most Excellent Question (as evidenced by my useful and largely sincere use of caps) there is just a wee bit of tone to it that does not seem very sunshine-y positive. Thus, the 3.

ANSWER – 10/10: Quite right! It is true: My friend Peg should have been a 10/10 from the start and I am not saying this only because she brings nice gifts. But she does bring nice gifts! So, if you know my good good friend Peg, I suggest going away and having her visit.

COLESLAW: It is almost a year to the day that at 6:00AM the Second Dr V walked into my hospital room and stated: The biopsy is back. You have stomach cancer. There were more details that afternoon: Inoperable. Probably Stage IV. Go home. Get a doctor. Start palliative care.

I heard the words but did not know what they meant. I still am not sure. What I do know is this: For the second Friday in a row DH Al and I head to our favorite dive for Friday Nite Fish Fry. The piece of haddock is huge, the beer cheap and icy cold, and the coleslaw is…the coleslaw is…the coleslaw is bland. Off. Not its usual tangy-from-a-touch-of vinegar self.

We talk about that damn mixture of cabbage and carrot slivers the whole evening.

Kind of pathetic.

But also? Kind of beautiful in the best sunshine-y positives filled-with-caps I-Still-Have-Hope 10 out of 10 way.